The 5 Scariest Things in the Army!
1. A Private saying, "I learned this in basic training..."
2. A Sergeant saying, "Trust me, sir..."
3. A Second Lieutenant saying, "Based on my experience..."
4. A Captain saying, "I was just thinking..."
5. And a Warrant Officer chuckling, "Watch this $%!#..."
Blantantly taken from Nightstalkers.com

The Differential Theory of Special Operations Forces (Snake Model)

Upon encountering a snake in the Area of Operation (AO):

• Paratrooper: Kills the snake.
  
• Armor: Runs over snake, giggles, and looks for more snakes.
  
• Infantry: "Look, a putty cat. Come 'ere kitty . . . Ouch! Hey, that's not a kitty cat."
  
• Infantry (alt): "Ugh! Me see snake. Me like snake. Ouch! Me no like snake."
  
• Army Aviation: Has GPS grid to snake. Couldn't find snake. Back to base for crew rest and the club and some sort of drink called "The Snake"
  
• Ranger: Plays with the snake, then eats it.
  
• Ranger (alt): Assaults the snake's home and secures it for use by friendly snakes.
  
• SEAL: Expends all ammunition, several grenades and calls for naval gunfire in a failed attempt to kill the snake. The snake bites the SEAL then retreats to safety.
  
• Corps Artillery: Kills snake, but in the process kills several hundred civilians with a massive TOT with three FA BDEs in support. Mission is considered a success and all participants are awarded Silver Stars. (Cooks, Mechanics, Legal Clerks etc.)
  
• Marine Recon: Follows the snake and gets lost.
  
• Combat Controller: Guides the snake elsewhere.
  
• Pararescue: Wounds the snake in first encounter, then feverishly works to save the snake's life.
  
• Special Forces: Makes contact with the snake, builds rapport, wins its heart and mind, then trains it to kill other snakes.

How The Military Has Changed Over The Years 1945 - NCO's had a typewriter on their desks for doing daily reports.
2000 - Everyone has an internet access computer, and they wonder why no work is getting done.

1945 - you were taught to aim at your enemy and shoot him.
2000 - you spray 500 bullets into the brush, don't hit anything, and retreat because you're out of ammo.

1945 - canteens were made of steel, and you could heat coffee or hot chocolate in them.
2000 - canteens are made of plastic, you can't heat anything in them, and they always taste like plastic.

1945 - we defeated powerful countries like Germany and Japan.
2000 - we come up short against Iraq and Yugoslavia.

1945 - if you wanted beer and conversation you went to the NCO or Officers' Club.
2000 - the beer will cost you $2.75, membership is forced, and someone is watching how much you drink.

1945 - we called the enemy names like "Krauts" and "Japs" because we didn't like them.
2000 - we call the enemy the "opposing force" or "aggressor" because we don't want to offend them.

1945 - victory was declared when the enemy was defeated and all his things were broken.
2000 - victory is declared when the enemy says he is sorry.